looking to buy a mother and a father:

hold on john: [Dec. 22nd, 2008/07:33 pm] looking to buy a mother and a father uninhibited with her throat and your weighted bones we've wasted days

1.

his bones break but he

didn't want the girl to know

instead he had me

2.

and the moon how they

would warm us in sickness and

cool us in sickness

3.

smoke the cigarette

hole in my lap which perfumed

covers up that smell

it-makes-me-better:

Try another show

With the volume low

I make up what they say

Where it used to be

your face

Is an empty space

Your co-stars look away
I'm the lucky one

I watch a re-run It looks alot

like you

One

star

lost

a family One family lost a star That's why I wait and watch to find out where you are

One family lost a star

One star, they lost their family

That's why I sit at home alone And watch t.v. I can watch forever I can watch for hours It just gets better It gives me the power

I can watch for hours I could watch forever It gives me pleasure

It makes me better

1:10 a.m. - day after christmas

day time t.v.

"Tiny spirit in a key hole
Bloated like soggy cereal
God will come and wash away
Our tattoos and all the cocaine
And all of the aborted babies
Will turn into little bambies...

Universe of milk and ember
Your hot kiss in mid december
What's god name i can't remember
Trough the crack eye lovely weather"

chrissy + chuck = magic

Chuck: I guess I don't think that you are like a sister

something different

Chrissy: something like....

Chuck: you're like aladdin

Chrissy: ARE YOU THE GENIE!?

Chrissy: OR JASMINE!!!!

Chuck: YES

Chuck: GENIE

Chuck: WAIT

Chuck: YOU ARE GENIRE

Chrissy: you can ride my magic carpet anytime

Chuck: genir

Chuck: w

Chuck: HAHA

Chuck: I saw people riding motorized magic carpets in the parade

Chuck: they were form the boumi temple

were wearing fezzes

Chuck: and also six riders of pennyfarthings

Chuck: do you know what that is

Chuck: did you leave

Chuck: i just burned myself on the ramen bowl

I did my best it wasn't much. I couldn't feel so I tried to touch

"your faith was strong but you needed proof

you saw her bathing on the roof

the beauty and the moonlight overthrew you

she tied you to her kitchen chair

she broke your throat and she cut your hair

and from your lips she drew the

hallelujah"

make me an angel that flies from montgomery, make me a poster of an old rodeo, just give me one thing that I can hold onto

I want to channel. I want to tap - beauty, intensity, magic, wonder, god, purity.

Q:How was your day?

A: Fantastic. The earth moved.

Q:Maybe we can let the light follow us into your room?

Glamorously traumatic.

a tiny love poem for me:

you're the idiot

small girl

tiny

pale arms / paler feet

idiot

Listen to Bert Jansch.

Listen to all the old punk rock songs you use to love.

Patrick Fitzgerald "Safety Pin Stuck In My Heart" and The Vibrators "Automatic Lover"

ADORATION -> DESIRE -> E.S.P: MYSTICISM - > RELIGION.

GARDENS -> SEX > PURITY. - THE BUZZCOCKS - FETISH

this city needs a new queen

come on man put your red boots on

oh dear god yes.

I got casted to play Puck in Midsummer Night's Dream this spring at MICA.

Enough said.

Kevin Hannigan

When I first met Kevin all I wanted to do was run away with him. I knew he was so sad, so fucked up and a total mess. I knew what he was doing to himself, what he was eventually going to do to himself. I just wanted to run away with him, I wanted to take him to my house out in Berlin. I wanted to put him in a bath and cut his hair and love him unconditionally. I wanted to make him better. But, I knew better... so, I stayed away from him. I remember one night, after a show with Cory at Robs old Cat & Milk, he had (god knows how) busted open his forehead and was just wandering around outside the show bleeding. I remember sitting him down on the curb and (probably) using my dress or sweater or something to wipe the blood from his face. I remember he was smiling and it meant so much to him that I was so not phased by the whole thing. Every night I'd go out, my whole life, with Kevin in the back of my mind. Perhaps I'd run into him. And every time I did run into him, whenever he was around, I felt so lifted. He made it impossible to keep from smiling.

found letter:

November 1 8:59pm

Sunflower Eyes,

I smoke alone in my room. I watch the smoke curl around my face and wonder: Did you ever think I'd say, on account of you, the days suddenly feel more beautiful? I keep looking at the lamp, I keep forgetting to replace the bulb. All I want is to turn the lights on.

"No matter what life you lead the virgin is a lovely number: cheeks as fragile as cigarette paper, arms and legs made of Limoges, lips like Vin Du Rhône, rolling her china-blue doll eyes open and shut. Open to say, Good Day Mama, and shut for the thrust of the unicorn. She is unsoiled. She is as white as a bonefish."

-Anne Sexton

Don't you try and stop me I cling tightly to this life:

Wildwood No.1:

I live at night. During the day I sleep. During the day I'll die.

I love to get high. Really high. I love to get really high and paint giant flowers.

I wish Andy Warhol was my best friend. Maybe when I have a daughter I'll name her "Andy Howland".

Andy Delihla Howland

(or

Andy-John Howland... No, that doesn't sound good)

I want to have a little girl with a strong mans name. I want to buy her beautiful dresses and perfume and books with big pictures and cameras with film and kittens. I want to teach her about dead rock stars and movie stars and sky stars and tell her about the stars in your eyes. I hope John Girard is alive to meet her. I hope Walker and Claire and Robby and Chris and Chuck can all give her lessons. I hope everyday she is happy. And I hope even her pains are beautiful.